Battling Myasthenia Gravis: My Voiceless Journey with God (Part 4)

My severed vocal cords had begun to slowly heal. Now worshiping God was a double-edged sword. I needed to cry out to Him to survive this nightmare, but my cracking and popping voice would make me cough uncontrollably until I stopped talking to Him out loud. Now any time I tried to raise my voice above a whisper to ask God for help this happened. Every day was a struggle, a battle, a mind game. I didn't always take control of my negative thoughts which led to doubting God at times. To take my mind off my problems, I focused on building my body back up.

Seven weeks into healing from the surgery I threw some sweatpants on and began jogging down the street. I had found an MMA gym in a town about thirty minutes away, so twice a week I worked out there. My new job was also physically demanding. I started loading up on quality protein powder and bars. Everything that I ate was healthy, and I drank at least a gallon of water daily. After about four months, I had transformed my body by putting on a lot of muscle weight, but spiritually I found myself drifting away from God.

I enjoyed a break from my symptoms for a few years. By eating healthy and lifting weights, I managed to gain all my body weight back. This remission only lasted for what seemed like a short time before my health took a turn for the worse. My eyelid drooped and most of my strength left me again. I had spent many hours building my body up but for what? In a matter of days, it all faded away. I had nowhere to run except God, and He was about to become my source of strength and hope once again. With painful cracking and irritated vocal cords, I cried out to God.

Because I had good medical insurance, my neurologist recommended an Intravenous Immunoglobulin infusion (IVIG) which consisted of two separate IV injections lasting four hours each. This neutralized some of the antibodies attacking my healthy muscle tissue. Afterwards, my head ached with intense pain, and I dry heaved every ten minutes all night long. I raced to the hospital early the next morning, because I was so dehydrated. The nurses looked at me and thought I had taken chemotherapy. After a day in the hospital, I return home with little improvement from my MG symptoms.

I spent a few weeks seeking God with all my heart. I decided to visit my friend Frank in Springfield. We went to wash his car. I felt God's Presence in that moment there and my vision went from blurry to clear...blurry to clear...then remained clear. God had touched my eyes again. My voice cracked and hurt every time I prayed or worshiped God, so I fasted the following week begging Him to take away the pain. It had been over a year since I could talk to God pain free. In an empty church, I was singing to God out of a hymnal when the pain suddenly left, my vocal cords vibrated, and my voice became louder. God had honored my prayers for healing.

Shortly after, Trinity Evangelical Divinity School admitted me into their Master of Arts in Old Testament and Semitic Language program. The classes demanded a lot of time and hard work. Some of my coursework included several advanced Hebrew classes, Greek Exegesis I-III, Biblical Aramaic, and ancient Syriac. Life at Trinity kept me busy. Pushing myself academically, I managed to earn a 3.96 GPA with fifty-six credit hours. Even though the amount of reading was intimidating, I remained healthy most of my time at TEDS with the exception of double vision one semester.

After this, I worked as a youth pastor for four years in the Detroit area. The youth group had around thirty young people representing several different ethnic groups. This was culture shock at first, but definitely a good experience for me. Then I pursued a Master of Arts in Theological Studies at Ashland Theological Seminary. Every night I stepped out of my apartment and went to the prayer garden near the library to talk to God. In June 2009, I graduated with honors. For the next eleven years, I would teach high school English and Algebra at a private school in Burlington, Iowa. Finally, in July 2023, I moved back to the town where many years of my childhood were spent and remain to this day.