Battling Myasthenia Gravis at Bible College: My Journey with God (Part 2)

I stepped onto the campus of Central Bible College in 1994. Huge silver sunglasses covered my disgusting droopy eyelid. I reluctantly took them off as I walked into chapel for orientation. Not wanting to be around people, I spent much of my time in the dorms. I would cry out to God in the prayer room every morning for my family but not without questioning Him, "Why me? Why this suffering?" Looking in the mirror at my droopy eyelid made me wonder about my future: Who would hire a sick person? How would I pay my financial aid back? Who would want to marry me?

I enrolled in a lot of classes at CBC. Doing homework with blurry vision challenged me. If I covered one eye, the other one would act right, and I could see to read at least for ten minutes before my pupil would dilate. Then I'd switch back to the other eye. Back and forth for hours, I worked hard to keep up. This gave me intense headaches. I napped frequently which led to restless nights. I attended classes only to return to my room and study for hours on end. Fifteen minutes of every hour, I spent worshiping God. Conversations with Him at the campus pond became a nightly routine. I can still hear the quacking ducks and water flowing into a small spillway. There I stared at the sky with blurry vision and imagined how powerful the Creator must be.

I went home for summer break and worked at a sawmill. One of my eyes turned red and itched horribly, so I went to the doctor. She noticed my droopy eyelid along with the pink eye. I told her that I had some muscle weakness in my arms and legs. She suggested I had Myasthenia Gravis and should see a neurologist, but I didn't. Returning to CBC, I didn't realize the worst was yet to come. The MG targeted more muscles in my body. I reached over to turn the alarm clock off one day, but didn't have enough strength to support the weight of my arm. My triceps were dead.

Some mornings I woke up feeling as though I had just drunk a bunch of NyQuil. Little chores became big chores. Brushing my teeth and putting on a shirt were a struggle. The sunlight burned my eyes outside. Nausea and headaches overtook me. I dreaded going to the cafeteria because of difficulty chewing and swallowing food. At times, I coughed uncontrollably just trying to drink water. One time for three days straight, I had to physically hold my eyelids open. I remember taking notes with one hand and with the other holding my left eyelid open to read the overheads.

Another time I went down to the gym to watch the Spartans play a basketball game. After the game, I tried to shoot a free throw. But I didn't have the energy to get the ball to the rim. I used to love going to the gym shooting jump shot after jump shot. I stormed back to my room angry. I sensed God's Presence between Bowie and Horton dorms, His voice interrupted my diatribe, "Hold on. I am with you!" I had become humiliatingly weak and stayed angry the rest of the night. I noticed that my voice sounded nasally when I was reading a book out loud. Then no sound...I paused for thirty seconds, and the same thing happened again. Studying to be a pastor and now I had no voice!

The neurologist was no longer an option, but a mandate. He officially diagnosed me with MG and prescribed me a high dose of Prednisone. My symptoms slowly dissipated, but the medicine created other issues. My skin dried out and flaked off. I felt as though poison ivy covered my entire body. I itched miserably with no relief. A dermatologist recommended taking cold showers, patting my body dry, applying lotion to my skin, and wearing loose clothing. My dorm room also had to be a cool temperature. This brought some relief, but the overall problem remained until I lowered the dose.

My body finally adapted to the medicine and the symptoms subsided. I began to eat right, run three times a week, and lift weights at the gym. I could see clearly and shoot a basketball again. The homework wasn't as challenging. I could actually see the stars when I expressed my gratitude to God every evening at the pond. My senior year of college some of my friends tried to help me overcome my reclusive lifestyle. Students came into my room to hang out, but I never went out of my way to get to know others. By withdrawing, I had become socially inept to this day. A Myasthenic Crisis was preparing to pounce on me which would involve more doctors...

Part 3: My Journey with God Deepens.